Have things changed since you were first married? You are sick of reading about couples who are romantically in love after 20, 30, 40 or 50 years of wedlock. Even though their brain scans prove they are not lying (according to the research conducted by Dr. Arthur Aron), it just seems unbelievable from where you sit by your hearth. You can’t pinpoint exactly when things changed in your romantic heart, but you realize now that the quirks you once adored have become irritating.

Some of you might feel that your guy does not pull his weight around the house either. In fact, he’s watching TV with his feet up on the coffee table you just cleaned! When it comes to sex, you have more excuses for not doing it than you have for avoiding exercise; as a result, perhaps you’re a bit angry. It’s never too late to make over your man, even if you have been married for 40 years.

Here are six ways to turn your husband back into the man you married—without any resistance:

1. Use your head. You might be perpetuating your own unhappiness. Your symptoms of distress might make him feel anxious. Maybe you dislike yourself, your career or who you have become. He might think you are questioning your life with him, instead of questioning your own goals. If he can’t feel safe at home, where can he feel safe? Find your power and use it in your relationship as opposed to using force. Force is the opposite of harmony.

2. Reduce stress. Stress surges and you need to prepare well-being tools to cope with the stressors you can do something about. Stress management is not about aromatherapy or massage therapy, although you can certainly enjoy these activities after you have come up with a plan to cope with situations and people who destabilize your life. Stress is internally driven and you will need some personal insight to deal with it. Be aware that when you are stressed, you become a different person: more irritable as you direct your attention to the flaws. Any little thing could set you off. Don’t let stress accumulate and alter what you perceive.

3. Become the love you wish to attract. Men tune out nagging voices. The dictator-doormat style of dialogue doesn’t work because you get preachy and give orders. Stimulate, rather than annihilate! Focus on his strengths and build. Remember when you first fell in love, it was unconditional and filled with good energy; when you have his attention, don’t waste it on judgment.

4. Clearly communicate the considerate, specific acts you desire. Don’t expect him to be a mind reader or to crack the code. Schedule household or children’s tasks on a calendar, breaking things down to the days, hours, etc.

5. Ask yourself: "What am I not seeing about the other side?" when angry at him—whether you are silent and suppressed, or yelling and slamming doors. Could his aggravating quirks be his sincere attempts to be helpful? Most of the difficult situations you are angry about are things you allowed to be done to you because you never spoke up about all you were compelled to do. So, speak up and let it go.

6. Have sex regularly. He will gladly do all the chores and tackle the household projects—you won’t have to ask twice. By the way, sex is the ultimate beauty treatment for a woman.

Follow these steps and you can change your husband without him being consciously involved in the process.

Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of "Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life," "Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout" and "Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul," a stress-management specialist, the host of the weekly Turn On Your Inner Light Show on WGBB AM1240 in New York City, produces a wellness newsletter, and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com.