"Sex pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon; if words or movements oppose the magic of caresses, the spell is broken." ~ Simone de Beauvoir

Scents of Seduction
Having an orgasm starts with feeling aroused. No arousal, no orgasm. Arousal begins in the brain, specifically the limbic area where our sense of smell intersects with our emotional process, our memory store and our sexuality. Vibrations of arousal and eventually orgasm live in the body and are triggered in the brain. Trust your sense of smell and indulge your olfactory in whatever scents turn you on.

Napoleon was well known for requesting his wife to not wash for a week when he was coming home. Today, that kind of thing would probably be frowned upon, so we buy our husbands things like Axe body to give him a sexy smell. Regardless of what it is, our olfactory system has always been foundational to the art of mating and we all must remember to it to our advantage.

Motions of Sexual Matrimony
Arousal is a visceral experience and our bodies are built for motion. Nowhere is this more useful than in sexual exploration. Although this may seem like stating the obvious, it’s only a small percentage of people who tense up and stop moving around in their sexual activity—there is more than hip thrusting to experiment with. Experimenting with moving all of your limbs, rolling your neck and stretching into new positions can trigger arousal points that you didn’t know you had. If you can think of no other reason than wanting to understand more about your orgasmic potential, try and fit in a little bit of core strengthening exercises into your life. Being able to hold onto someone you love from the inside will make you feel both strong and sexy.

Breathing Life Into the Bedroom
Arousal is expressed through our breathing. Becoming aware of breath in sexuality will bring life and orgasm into focus like nothing else. Whether you lean towards long and slow breaths or short, fast inhalations, stop and notice how your breathing affects your connection to your body, your lover and your orgasmic possibilities. Try changing your breathing pattern and see how it transforms the experience. Making an agreement with your partner to synchronize your breathing and movement is a remarkably simple step, which will have a profound impact on lovemaking. Refocusing your breathing will not only deepen your connection, but may also expand your idea of orgasm itself.

You’re On Your Own
Extending the space between arousal and orgasm is the art of lovemaking. Before you interact with your husband, do your own solo experiments so you know the sensations and buildup that lead you to the point of no return. Practice pulling back from that line and introducing another form of touch or breath and move towards it again; I have long been an advocate of waiting as long as you can to surrender into your orgasm. The longer you wait, the more power and energy is built up and the sweeter the release. Some spiritual techniques suggest moving up and down this arousal tunnel, coming as close as you can to your orgasmic edge without going over as a spiritual practice. Sounds like a worthy form of meditation, and I don’t question its incredibly powerful results.

Sources of Secretion
Arousal messages come through our body as genital secretions—as many as a third of all women do not have a strong natural lubricating response. This easily turns into feelings of low libido and disinterest in sex. After years of birthing and nursing babies, I never have natural wetness so I was heartened to discover that a small application of great, clean lubricant will kick start the arousal cycle. Not only that, but adding healthy lubricant ingredients ensures painless friction (more time to experiment) and is a critical companion to experiencing orgasm.

So go forth, flirt with arousal, don’t judge your experience or compare it to anyone else’s and enjoy the ride. If there is any journey worth taking over and over again it is the one closest to our most innate and miraculous human pleasure.

Part 2: The Center of Letting Go

Wendy Strgar is the founder of GoodCleanLove.com, which provides products and advice for sustainable love. If you have questions about products or toys send them in and Wendy will be happy to share her knowledge. When visiting the website, use coupon code NEWSITE08, to enjoy a new year 15 percent discount.