We are each motivated by the dreams that we hold most sacred and most dear. Whether we acknowledge them or not, our dreams and aspirations are vital linchpins for the stories of our lives. We tell these stories to the ones we love, hoping not only for the understanding, but for the approval that will help us move toward our goals together.

Dreams can be as simple as raising and providing for a family or as complicated as building a boat from scrap lumber to sail the seven seas. The dreams of the ones we love may be explicit and something everyone knows or they may be hidden and secret—something that a loved one will never talk about and keeps secret.

The question is, do you know your spouse’s dreams?

Do you know what your spouse is working toward and the goals their trying to accomplish in life? Do you know what dream is held highest in your spouse’s heart? Are you the primary confidante when it comes to your partner’s most fragile dreams?

If not, then you may have a problem. What could be more vital and important than the knowledge of what your spouse wants most out of life—the deep and interior key to why you were chosen as a partner, and what you are a partner for.

There are many ways to find out your spouse’s dreams. The most direct and incisive way to get to know what motivates a partner is to ask and to talk about it. Sharing your own dreams may encourage reciprocation. There are other creative ways too. For example, taking a personality test may reveal your spouse’s hidden depths and give you some insight into how best you can help make that person’s dreams come true.

Once you know your spouse's dreams, it's important that you put together a plan to accomplish them. Depending on how big the dream is, it may be something you can accomplish relatively easy. You may find out that you and your spouse have the same or a similar dream.

Learning the dreams of your loved one can actually be a frightening experience. What if those dreams lead to a path that you are unprepared to walk? Knowing what your partner is working toward and the future that could result will tell you more about your life together than you may realize, and create openness and sharing like the two of you have never had before.

If you do know your spouse's dream and you're on your way to accomplishing them, it's time to take the next step—dream together.

Taking over for her father, Dr. Roger Birkman, in 2001, Sharon Birkman Fink is President and CEO of Birkman International, Inc. providing a unique assessment tool that accurately measures internal needs, behaviors, occupational preferences and organizational strengths. She can be reached at 713-623-2760 or sfink@birkman.com