All men struggle in their life from time to time. I certainly have. In those moments, it’s easy to lose sight of who we are and to know our place in the scheme of things.

We lose perspective.

However, the last thing we want is to be told what to do by you, our significant other. That only brings out our defenses, just as it would you. As you know, men are taught to suppress their feelings and emotions. While you might not think there is much going on inside of us because of a stoic expression, there’s plenty of internal churning there.

If you want to contribute to it; all you have to do is criticize us, tell us what we’re doing wrong, argue with us, and try to control us. You’ve probably done some of that if you’re willing to be honest.

It all contributes to your man becoming a boy.

You may have forgotten that men want to feel a sense of freedom more than anything else.

Some aspects of that freedom include:

* Freedom to make our own decisions.
* Freedom to make our own mistakes.
* Freedom to struggle and figure it out on our own.

When you insert yourself in the middle of any of those things, the boy in us rises up. You will always be more effective if you are willing to stay in your feminine; soft, playful, light-hearted, fun, inviting, open, heart-felt, happy, enticing, and even seductive.

Why?

Because that’s what works for us, and that’s what always works, even if you dislike this answer. And any of those things will cause us to step more into our masculine. That’s what you want anyway isn’t it?

The feminine aspects of you are what attracted us in the first place. Anytime you are outside of that, we are likely to feel disconnected from you. Then conflicts will increase, our communication will suffer, and intimacy will fade in the relationship.

And those are the moments when we’ve forgotten who we are.

You can help us remember. Will you? Or will you greet us with something argumentative, combative, closed, accusatory, blaming, questioning, head-strong, defensive, and unyielding? That’s, of course, who we are when we become boys.

We just hope to never see that in you. We don’t even like it in ourselves. It’s not about who is more right or who is more important. It’s only about doing the things that keep us feeling connected with each other. And your feminine does that for us.

Jeff Forte is an expert in Relationship Dynamics, Divorce Prevention and Marriage Repair, and the author of "The 90-Minute Marriage Miracle," where you can find immediately helpful ideas that will work to quickly to increase connection. He has the expertise to help couples resolve their marriage conflicts even when traditional couples counseling has failed. For a complimentary consultation to get his insights on your situation visit www.90minutemarriagemiracle.com or email jeff@peakresultscoaching.com.