When I was writing my first book, Father to Daughter, Life Lessons on Raising a Girl, there were a number of questions from dads expressing frustration with their wives about raising children. Over the years, I’ve had a chance to talk to hundreds and hundreds of dads and generally all have said the same thing. We’re either all married to the same woman, or women tend to think alike. So, as my gift to mothers everywhere, here’s a short explanation on being a dad.

We know what we’re doing when we’re throwing our babies up in the air and rough housing with them. I get it. You carried them around for nine months, ate organic food, gave up wine, did yoga, opted for natural birth and now your husband is throwing your baby up in the air!!! Listen, it’s part of being a dad. It’s why we’re here, to give our kids a sense of adventure and a love of flying through to air… to a pool or a bed or back into our arms. You bond by holding them close. We bond by launching them up.

We know you read all the books, but you can trust us not to poison them when left alone. …Generally speaking anyway. While my son did drink a bottle of car wax one morning, I patiently called poison control, stuffed Oreos down his little throat until he couldn’t swallow so he was healthy and burping when his mom came home. But that was the only time.

We teach them to throw up in the toilet, because the alternative is our bed. Look, it’s just hard for us to work up compassion for even the sickest toddler when our bed is lathered in puke. That’s why we have throw-up lessons. Kids will stagger past two functioning bathrooms to hurl on dad.

We love them, but things are permissible in the mom car that are unmentionable in the dad car. Puking (again), drinking anything, eating anything, picking your nose, wiping stuff on the seat from an ear canal, wiping a nose on a seat, coughing up stuff, coloring and silly putty… and muddy feet. We want them spotlessly clean, healthy and even then we don’t really trust them.

We can put the damn trike together if we just had a little support from our wife. It would also help if you could find the directions.

It’s not that we don’t understand the importance of diaper bags, but we feel much more comfortable carrying around everything in a gym bag. A diaper bag says things about us that a gym bag doesn’t.

We have a plan for family finances, college and everything, but we just don’t want to discuss it at 3 am. Just go back to sleep. It’s all under control. Really.

Being a dad means we’re the ones who have to take the training wheels off. Don’t call us names when they come home bleeding or crying. Our job is to keep pushing them back our there.

Our kids depend on us to make them laugh. I’m sorry but moms are not known as being entertainment centers. As one girl told me, "There’s nothing funny about mom, but dad cracks us up."

We know we told you not to worry about money at Christmas time, but we’re worried sick about it. That’s why we’ll wonder if we really need more diapers. And why we think their clothes still fit. But then on Christmas Eve, we’ll worry we don’t have the right toys, so we’ll disappear for eight hours looking for it. Don’t blame us for acting like men.

Harry H Harrison Jr. is a New York Times best selling parenting author with over 4 million books in print. "Fearless Parenting. Raising a Child to Face the Adult World" is available for Kindle readers. He has been interviewed on over 25 television programs, and featured in over 75 local and national radio stations, including NPR. His books are available in over 35 countries throughout Western Europe, Eastern Europe, Norway, South America, China, Saudi Arabia and in the Far East. He is a featured expert at kidsinthehouse.com. For more information visit www.fearlessparenting.com.