Every day you are bombarded by well-intentioned, "good" advice ranging from how to manage stress and cultivate a loving marriage to diet and exercise. Sorting it all out can be difficult, especially when it’s conflicting: Absence makes the heart grow fonder versus out of sight, out of mind. Some of this good advice is a mysterious secret which will be revealed if you buy the book and some of it comes in the form of meditation and visualization tapes which speak to you personally—you and millions of others listeners. And this is precisely the problem: One size does not fit all.

If you tap into your gut intuition, you already know:

* What your healthy balanced meal plan should include—which foods agree with you and which don’t

* The specific daily exercises that work for you

* How to reboot your natural rhythm

* That stress is internally driven and based on your perception

* The person you need to forgive

* The art of compromise

* How important sex is

* That getting a good night’s sleep is restorative and how you should proceed

* That how you wake up in the morning impacts your entire day

For example, let’s look closely at this last point. I prefer to set my alarm clock five minutes early which gives me greater control to wake into consciousness. By easing into awareness I can set the tempo and focus necessary to begin my day.

I believe that my daily awakening is so important that I prepare for it the night before with my own intention for the next day, like laying out my clothes for work in the morning. I prepare a phrase that I find from a poetic, philosophical or religious work and on many evenings I write my own words by reaching into my heart. I know what I need to tell myself to manage my day. Since seasons and conditions vary, my self-help messages will be different. I don’t need to listen to someone else telling me what to think or envision. For example: I might tell myself to be kinder and more demonstrative towards my spouse or to listen better to a particular colleague at work.

Bottom line: No one can motivate you to permanent change. To generate will power you need to create "resonance." Whatever you desire to achieve whether losing weight, quitting smoking, exercising, pursuing a higher degree or putting work into your marriage, you need to reflect if what you wish is in harmony with your inner self.

The key question you need to ask yourself: Do I really want to achieve this goal? Or is this a goal that:

* I believe I "should" pursue

* My parents always wanted for me

* I feel pressured to achieve because of competition with friends and neighbors

When you are in harmony with yourself, you will be eager to complete any goal, which you genuinely want because it is your heart’s desire. On the other hand, you lack will power because subconsciously you really don’t want to change the status quo. You might be getting some reward even from a bad habit. For example, some of us pity ourselves and enjoy playing the sympathy card to get attention.

Ultimately, don’t give away your power. Hypnotize yourself! Self-help literally means self-help.

Debbie Mandel, MA is the author of "Addicted to Stress: A Woman's 7 Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life," "Changing Habits: The Caregivers' Total Workout" and "Turn On Your Inner Light: Fitness for Body, Mind and Soul," a stress-reduction specialist, a radio show host and has been featured on radio/ TV and print media. To learn more visit: www.turnonyourinnerlight.com.