Have you ever been to a party where one of the guests comes in with a sour face, and no matter how much fun everybody else is having this person finds fault with whatever is going on, criticizes everything and everybody, and puts a damper on the whole event? Or you're in a perfectly good mood and you start talking with someone who sees nothing but doom and gloom in the world and within minutes you get depressed?

You’ve just met a party-pooper. A regular downer. Nobody likes to be around them, with good reason. But have you ever thought about what you bring to the party? In other words, what do you bring to your marriage? Do you consistently bring excitement, enthusiasm, caring, wonder and appreciation to your relationship? Or do you whine a lot—complaining, moaning, and finding something wrong with most everything?

What you bring to your marriage is what you receive in return. For example, if you approach your relationship with enthusiasm, you'll find it easier to get along with your mate, you’ll have more fun, and consequently, you’ll be happier and more satisfied.

"Ah," you say, "there's nothing to get enthusiastic about in my marriage." You love your spouse, but surely not with jump-up-and-down enthusiasm? Heck, you’ve known him or her too long.

Enthusiasm means "keen interest" and "excitement." Well, the more you get "keenly interested" in your spouse and in your marriage, the more excitement you’ll generate for yourself.

Get interested in your spouse! When did you last ask your sweetheart about his or her hopes and dreams? These change over time, don’t assume because you knew when you first got together what their dreams were, that you’re still up on what’s going on deep inside your mate. Ask! And be genuinely interested in the answer.

What about those activities you share? Like cooking dinner, or a hobby, or taking a Sunday drive without the kids? How much keen interest do you show in these activities? How often are you simply on automatic pilot, doing whatever it is by repetition?

When did you last listen to your spouse talk about that article that interested him or her, or that thing that happened at work? I mean really listen, as in ask questions, saying, "tell me more" or stopping what you’re doing to listen with your whole self to your mate, not just part of yourself as you mind the kids, the stove or your latest text.

There's always something you can find to be enthusiastic about if you look hard enough. Life's too precious to live it without joy.

You truly do get what you give. Be enthusiastic, give the best of you, your excited, "keen interest" and you'll be amazed at how great your marriage gets.

Noelle C. Nelson, Ph.D., is a relationship expert, popular speaker in the U.S. and abroad, and author of nine best-selling books, including her most recent, "Your Man is Wonderful" and "Dangerous Relationships." Dr. Nelson focuses on how we can all enjoy happy, fulfilling lives while accomplishing great things in love, at home and at work, as we appreciate ourselves, our world and all others. For more, visit www.drnoellenelson.com and www.yourmaniswonderful.com/blog.