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Turn One-Word Answers into Great ConversationsStorytelling is baked into our DNA. Here's how to unleash it to communicate more effectively with your family.
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Get your kids to open up by asking them to share a story.
“ Telling stories can be a new uncomfortable experience at first. Make it clear to your child that their stories don’t have to be perfect.”
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The dreaded one-word answer when you ask your child "How was school?" is something every parent has faced from generation to generation. Now with technology, it can be even harder to get your child to look up and connect.
You get answers like "Fine" or "OK." Instead of asking your child that question say, "Tell me a story about the best part of your day." Then your child has the choice to tell a story of what happened before, during or after school. You can help your child tell a story and teach them that a story has a beginning, middle and end.
If your child jumps into the middle, say, "I really want to be in the story with you. Tell me more about what time this was and where you were when this all started." If your child doesn’t have much of a middle, ask questions like, "How fast were you running? Was your friend happy or sad?" If your child doesn’t have an end to their story, ask them "What will you do if this happens again or what do you think you learned from this happening?"
Telling a story about the best part of your day can become a family tradition that everyone will say at dinner to bond and keep people updated on the good things going on. If your child says nothing good happened today, you can start the grateful list as a starting point:
* Did you have any food today?
* Did you smile or laugh once?
* Did anyone do anything nice for you?
* Did you do anything nice and unexpected for someone today?
Stories help us connect because storytelling is in our DNA. During the Stone Age, we used to sit around the glow of campfires and tell each other stories to pass on life lessons and family history. Stories tap into the emotional part of our brains and take us on a new journey. A great story paints a picture and the listener sees themselves in a story. That is why we go to the movies where we can be moved to tears, cheer on a hero or be scared. When we tell a story to a child of how their parents met or the story of the day they were born, we are helping them connect to their place in history. The story of origin gives children their roots and a sense of belonging.
How To Use Storytelling To Deal With Difficult Topics
Parents are faced with many difficult topics to discuss with their children that range from death to how to handle a bully at school. When a parent tells a story to a child of how they first had to face death when they were a child, it can help the child see they are not alone. Stories can be a great tool to show empathy. For example, "When I was your age my dog Buddy died and I was very sad too. While I still miss him every day, he lives in my heart. Let's figure out ways for us to keep our family dog memory alive. Should we start a photo album or write our feelings down in a journal about our favorite things we did with our dog?"
If you have to talk to your child about being bullied you can tell your story of how you handled it. When you tell a story of a bully as a character that is really scared and insecure and has to pick on others to make themselves feel good, you give your child a new perspective. "Not everyone is as loved as you are, and sometimes that means people turn out to be bullies. You are not alone and you need to remember the story of Batman and Wonder Woman. Inside each of us is a superhero with superhero powers." A parent can also watch movies as a family that helps deal with a difficult topic and discuss what their children think about it. Find various movies to tell stories on how to deal with bullying.
Storytelling As A Way To Stand Out For College
When students have to fill out an application to apply for college, they need to use the structure of what makes a good story. If their application is accepted, they will probably have to have an in-person meeting, as well to tell their story and show poise. One of the best things a parent can do to help their children on college applications is to avoid cliches. The key to telling a good story on an application or in person is to make sure the story has the following 4 parts:
Exposition: Paint the picture. Tell us the who, what, where and when so we have a frame of reference of where we are in the story. Here is an example: "Two years ago when I turned 16 years old I found myself on a cold winter day in the suburbs of Chicago ready to take my driver's license test. I was shivering and I didn't know if it was from the cold or my nerves."
Problem: Tell your story so there is a conflict. The higher the stakes the more interesting the story will be. An example: "During my driver's license test, I approached an intersection that did not have any stop signs. I slowed down and drove through it. Then I found out from the instructor that due to the icy conditions of the road I had not slowed down enough and failed my test. I need to pass that test because I needed to drive myself to my part-time job in order to get money to go to college."
Solution: Tell the solution to the story in a way that shows you had obstacles to overcome. For example: "After failing my test, I asked how soon I could retake the test. The instructor said I could take it again that day, but that nobody ever does that. You only have two more chances to pass or you have to wait a year. I went up to my Mom who had driven me there and told her what happen. I asked if she would wait another hour or so while I went through the line again to retake the test. I said, 'I know what I did wrong and I know I can pass it now.' She said 'I love your confidence and I will wait for you. I am so happy you believe in yourself!'"
Resolution: What happens after the solution is key to the story. For example, when I took my driver's test for the second time that day I had a new instructor who was surprised to see on the paperwork this was my second time that day taking the test. I knew my Mom believed in me and I knew that just because I had failed earlier that day did not mean I lost my confidence in my ability to be a good driver. You see my reason for driving was so strong that I found the inner strength to get my license to get the money to go to college. I am happy to say that lesson continues to serve me today and anytime I fail or fall down, I get right back up!
Telling stories can be a new uncomfortable experience at first. Make it clear to your child that their stories don’t have to be perfect. In fact at the end of the week, you can note the progress they are making from week to week. One way to celebrate progress is to have a favorite story of the week. Then you take those four stories and vote as a family of the favorite story of the month.
Once you have storytelling as part of your family’s tradition, your children can start sharing their stories with other friends and teachers. (Only those stories you as a parent approve of being told of outside the home!) Your children’s confidence and poise will start to soar as they use storytelling as a way to emotionally connect with people in their world.
John Livesay, author of "Better Selling Through Storytelling," is a highly sought-after keynote storytelling speaker and a Forbes columnist. During his talks, he shares the life-changing lessons he’s learned from his award-winning sales career at Conde Nast to help people become revenue rockstars by forming emotional connections with clients through stories. Livesay is the host of “The Successful Pitch” podcast, which is heard in over 60 countries.
You get answers like "Fine" or "OK." Instead of asking your child that question say, "Tell me a story about the best part of your day." Then your child has the choice to tell a story of what happened before, during or after school. You can help your child tell a story and teach them that a story has a beginning, middle and end.
If your child jumps into the middle, say, "I really want to be in the story with you. Tell me more about what time this was and where you were when this all started." If your child doesn’t have much of a middle, ask questions like, "How fast were you running? Was your friend happy or sad?" If your child doesn’t have an end to their story, ask them "What will you do if this happens again or what do you think you learned from this happening?"
Telling a story about the best part of your day can become a family tradition that everyone will say at dinner to bond and keep people updated on the good things going on. If your child says nothing good happened today, you can start the grateful list as a starting point:
* Did you have any food today?
* Did you smile or laugh once?
* Did anyone do anything nice for you?
* Did you do anything nice and unexpected for someone today?
Stories help us connect because storytelling is in our DNA. During the Stone Age, we used to sit around the glow of campfires and tell each other stories to pass on life lessons and family history. Stories tap into the emotional part of our brains and take us on a new journey. A great story paints a picture and the listener sees themselves in a story. That is why we go to the movies where we can be moved to tears, cheer on a hero or be scared. When we tell a story to a child of how their parents met or the story of the day they were born, we are helping them connect to their place in history. The story of origin gives children their roots and a sense of belonging.
How To Use Storytelling To Deal With Difficult Topics
Parents are faced with many difficult topics to discuss with their children that range from death to how to handle a bully at school. When a parent tells a story to a child of how they first had to face death when they were a child, it can help the child see they are not alone. Stories can be a great tool to show empathy. For example, "When I was your age my dog Buddy died and I was very sad too. While I still miss him every day, he lives in my heart. Let's figure out ways for us to keep our family dog memory alive. Should we start a photo album or write our feelings down in a journal about our favorite things we did with our dog?"
If you have to talk to your child about being bullied you can tell your story of how you handled it. When you tell a story of a bully as a character that is really scared and insecure and has to pick on others to make themselves feel good, you give your child a new perspective. "Not everyone is as loved as you are, and sometimes that means people turn out to be bullies. You are not alone and you need to remember the story of Batman and Wonder Woman. Inside each of us is a superhero with superhero powers." A parent can also watch movies as a family that helps deal with a difficult topic and discuss what their children think about it. Find various movies to tell stories on how to deal with bullying.
Storytelling As A Way To Stand Out For College
When students have to fill out an application to apply for college, they need to use the structure of what makes a good story. If their application is accepted, they will probably have to have an in-person meeting, as well to tell their story and show poise. One of the best things a parent can do to help their children on college applications is to avoid cliches. The key to telling a good story on an application or in person is to make sure the story has the following 4 parts:
Exposition: Paint the picture. Tell us the who, what, where and when so we have a frame of reference of where we are in the story. Here is an example: "Two years ago when I turned 16 years old I found myself on a cold winter day in the suburbs of Chicago ready to take my driver's license test. I was shivering and I didn't know if it was from the cold or my nerves."
Problem: Tell your story so there is a conflict. The higher the stakes the more interesting the story will be. An example: "During my driver's license test, I approached an intersection that did not have any stop signs. I slowed down and drove through it. Then I found out from the instructor that due to the icy conditions of the road I had not slowed down enough and failed my test. I need to pass that test because I needed to drive myself to my part-time job in order to get money to go to college."
Solution: Tell the solution to the story in a way that shows you had obstacles to overcome. For example: "After failing my test, I asked how soon I could retake the test. The instructor said I could take it again that day, but that nobody ever does that. You only have two more chances to pass or you have to wait a year. I went up to my Mom who had driven me there and told her what happen. I asked if she would wait another hour or so while I went through the line again to retake the test. I said, 'I know what I did wrong and I know I can pass it now.' She said 'I love your confidence and I will wait for you. I am so happy you believe in yourself!'"
Resolution: What happens after the solution is key to the story. For example, when I took my driver's test for the second time that day I had a new instructor who was surprised to see on the paperwork this was my second time that day taking the test. I knew my Mom believed in me and I knew that just because I had failed earlier that day did not mean I lost my confidence in my ability to be a good driver. You see my reason for driving was so strong that I found the inner strength to get my license to get the money to go to college. I am happy to say that lesson continues to serve me today and anytime I fail or fall down, I get right back up!
Telling stories can be a new uncomfortable experience at first. Make it clear to your child that their stories don’t have to be perfect. In fact at the end of the week, you can note the progress they are making from week to week. One way to celebrate progress is to have a favorite story of the week. Then you take those four stories and vote as a family of the favorite story of the month.
Once you have storytelling as part of your family’s tradition, your children can start sharing their stories with other friends and teachers. (Only those stories you as a parent approve of being told of outside the home!) Your children’s confidence and poise will start to soar as they use storytelling as a way to emotionally connect with people in their world.
John Livesay, author of "Better Selling Through Storytelling," is a highly sought-after keynote storytelling speaker and a Forbes columnist. During his talks, he shares the life-changing lessons he’s learned from his award-winning sales career at Conde Nast to help people become revenue rockstars by forming emotional connections with clients through stories. Livesay is the host of “The Successful Pitch” podcast, which is heard in over 60 countries.
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