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6 Ways To Mind Your RelationshipBeing mindful of your relationship can be an active and passive way to head off any oncoming issues.
Daria Shevtsova
When you approach your relations from a holistic point of view you'll ward off problems before they ever start.
“ When we interact with our partner, it is similarly important that we do more than just let the words hit our ears.”
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Maintaining a relationship can be tough. Two individuals attempting to get—and stay—on a same page is difficult in any situation. With a relationship, the pair are attempting to write a whole book together. As challenging an undertaking as this is, there are some time-tested practices which can increase your odds of successfully coauthoring these chapters of life.
1. Engage with active listening: Therapists are taught that there is a difference between listening and hearing. When we interact with our partner, it is similarly important that we do more than just let the words hit our ears. Active listening skills involve paying complete attention to what is being said, and responding in ways that affirm or clarify our understanding of the matter. Not only can this type listening provide a sense of relief for the speaker, it can also be used as an effective way to resolve disagreements.
2. Empathize: There is also a difference between sympathy and empathy. We may not feel the same way about something that our partner is sharing, but we can still appreciate that the experience is valid. When we have engaged with active listening skills, we are able to understand the perspective of the other person, and can use this empathetic understanding in relating to our partner. Feeling understood is cited as a primary factor in experiencing good relationships.
3. Don’t try to fix things for your partner: Often, the answer to our partner’s problem seems so apparent. In our minds, our partner simply needs to change A or B, and the problem will go away. While suggestions may be appreciated, very few people can easily adopt the solutions of another. Realizations of needed changes tend to occur slowly, and after approaching a problem in our own, unique, ways.
4. Appreciate the differences: While similarities are nice, there is something to the old "opposites attract" cliché. If there were two people exactly like you, one of you wouldn’t be needed. Partners who learn to value the differences in skills and perspectives that each person brings to the relationship tend to have better, and longer, unions.
5. Set aside quality time: With how busy modern life can be, emphasis on maintaining our relationship can end up in the background. Busy couples report spending less than three hours a day together, and the majority of that time is spent watching television. This means that precious little time is spent on bonding with our partner, and the high incident of breakups due to lack of perceived relationship quality can testify to this phenomenon.
6. Avoid stressors: Some enemies of a happy relationship can be headed off. Armed with knowledge and forethought, a couple can make choices which result in less relationship stress. Practice making financial decisions with cooperation, as financial disagreements are a leading cause of divorce. Develop a preemptive plan to navigate difficult interactions with extended family members, as well, as problems with in-laws are another common partnership stressor.
Dr. Jeff Nalin, PsyD is an award-winning licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Certified Chemical Dependency Intervention Specialist. Dr. Nalin is the Founder and Chief Clinical Director at Paradigm Malibu Treatment Center with locations in both Malibu and San Francisco.
1. Engage with active listening: Therapists are taught that there is a difference between listening and hearing. When we interact with our partner, it is similarly important that we do more than just let the words hit our ears. Active listening skills involve paying complete attention to what is being said, and responding in ways that affirm or clarify our understanding of the matter. Not only can this type listening provide a sense of relief for the speaker, it can also be used as an effective way to resolve disagreements.
2. Empathize: There is also a difference between sympathy and empathy. We may not feel the same way about something that our partner is sharing, but we can still appreciate that the experience is valid. When we have engaged with active listening skills, we are able to understand the perspective of the other person, and can use this empathetic understanding in relating to our partner. Feeling understood is cited as a primary factor in experiencing good relationships.
3. Don’t try to fix things for your partner: Often, the answer to our partner’s problem seems so apparent. In our minds, our partner simply needs to change A or B, and the problem will go away. While suggestions may be appreciated, very few people can easily adopt the solutions of another. Realizations of needed changes tend to occur slowly, and after approaching a problem in our own, unique, ways.
4. Appreciate the differences: While similarities are nice, there is something to the old "opposites attract" cliché. If there were two people exactly like you, one of you wouldn’t be needed. Partners who learn to value the differences in skills and perspectives that each person brings to the relationship tend to have better, and longer, unions.
5. Set aside quality time: With how busy modern life can be, emphasis on maintaining our relationship can end up in the background. Busy couples report spending less than three hours a day together, and the majority of that time is spent watching television. This means that precious little time is spent on bonding with our partner, and the high incident of breakups due to lack of perceived relationship quality can testify to this phenomenon.
6. Avoid stressors: Some enemies of a happy relationship can be headed off. Armed with knowledge and forethought, a couple can make choices which result in less relationship stress. Practice making financial decisions with cooperation, as financial disagreements are a leading cause of divorce. Develop a preemptive plan to navigate difficult interactions with extended family members, as well, as problems with in-laws are another common partnership stressor.
Dr. Jeff Nalin, PsyD is an award-winning licensed Clinical Psychologist and a Certified Chemical Dependency Intervention Specialist. Dr. Nalin is the Founder and Chief Clinical Director at Paradigm Malibu Treatment Center with locations in both Malibu and San Francisco.
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